(my posts wont always be this long..sorry..lol)
Esequiel and I leave for Texas in 9 days to pick up my second son, Eddie. The two boys were foster brothers in the same home for 3 years and after much soul searching, I just cant find a reason not to do this. I just can't. When you adopt a child they ask you to make whats called a "life book" for the child that you send to him/her before they meet you. Its basically a scrap book that you make filed with photos of their new family, siblings, pets, their new school, their room..ect..It gives the kids something tangible to look at when they try to wrap their minds around what awaits them. I made one for Esequiel before i met him and he still treasures it.
We started Eddies book, and the gravity of what I am doing hit me. Esequiel was SO excited to help me with the project. Interestingly, though, once we started he was filled with anxiety. We finsihed the first page and I had written a little note for Eddie welcoming him to our family. Esequiel started to cry and said that he couldnt wait for him to get here..whew...The day i took Esequiel out of Texas his heart was broken that Eddie couldnt come to. He thought he'd never see him again, and knowing that Eddie is now going to be his leagl brother forever has brought up so many emotions for the little guy that he just doesnt know what to do with them all, and neither do I.
Having two boys is what Ive always wanted and I am so happy that I am doing this , I just never realized how huge this is for Esequiel and what it means to him. I tucked him tonight, and as I sat there stroking his hair I told him how there will come a day when he wont want me in his room, much less tucking him in..and I love him so much that it hurts..I never really knew what that felt like before all this..I thought I did, but I didn't. I wish that I could just freeze time and let him stay 11 for a few more years and that he'd always want me to read him Harry Potter as he falls asleep...but he won't always need that from me.I hate the fact that I don't always know what to do or what to say. All my friends tell me that I'm doing a great job, and I am gratefull for that, but it is so hard with virtually no family support, but I am doing the best that I can. It's funny...people tell me all the time how lucky these two boys are and go on and on about what a admirable person I must be. I think thats funny because if there is anyone who is lucky it's me..to have Esequiel in my life and all that I he gives me everyday just by being his perfectly flawed self. It takes my breath away.he makes me laugh so hard I wanna cry and loves me so much that I often do...I know our lives will never be perfect but having Scott as my partner and Esequiel and Eddie as my sons...well; it's the closest that I could ever hope to get.
Donny
Garrett
