WARNING: According to AP reports, Hopscotch Heather has been spotted, apparently heading south from Ohio. Witnesses report that Heather was last seen around Kentucky, uttering a deranged rant about her fathers, who apparently abandoned the devil spawn and skipped town.
Heather always wears a pink outfit, and may or may not have the sign of the devil tattooed to her face. She tends to move slowly, as she is physically unable to walk without hopping.
If seen, do not approach. And don't forget to use both feet.
2 comments:
Although I have my doubts on the accuracy of this late-breaking news (unless the reporter is suggesting that her fathers are the devil... which we aren't. We aren't the devil nor the fathers. She was a gift, like an underground adoption you see... I can only imagine who her real father is...), I can only shake in fear at her slow travels south. Luckily, her mode of transportation (i.e. hopping) means she'd be down in Atlanta sometime in the spring of 2012. In the meantime, if you spot her, throw holy chalk at her... that'll keep her at bay.
Better yet . . . Jack & Aaron, if you see her on I-75 S. while you are driving, hit her with your car. Numerous times!!! But do NOT get out of the car even if she is not moving.
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